The end is near.

Because of OPSEC, I obviously cannot state specific dates and times, but let's just say Nick will be home soon.  Very, very soon.  So surreal.  I'm still waiting for a call or email to tell me the flight has been delayed.  I can't quite grasp that his physical body will be standing before me in just a matter of, well, you can guess.  That this long deployment is almost over.  That the day I've been anticipating is so, so close.

When I look back over the last seven months, I don't know what to think because there is too much to think about.  Nick and I had a baby, but Nick wasn't here for that once in a lifetime moment.  The birth, the hospital stay, the sleepless nights, the first bath, the first smile, the first laugh, the first time he rolled over.  Our little baby boy has spent the first 3.5 months of his life watching his daddy on TV and listening to me ramble on about him.  I can't wait for them to meet.  Finally.

Audrey, our sweet girl who was two right before Nick left is now a little lady.  She turned three, and had to endure life without her daddy.  Seven months is a long time for an adult, but for a child?  Its an eternity.  And she can't quite grasp the concept of when he would be home so I know she has been so confused.  And I'm going to correlate that confusion with her…let's say…challenging…behavior over the last few months.  Daddy gone, new baby brother, new school, simply being three.  She had a lot of changes in her structured life and I think she handled it all amazingly.  She had a tough job, a tough role to play and while she hit a few bumps, she passed with flying colors.

And me.  Where do I begin?  I had some highs ("I can do this!") and some unbelievable lows.  This was tough.  I don't think any military wife will ever say a deployment was easy.  Its not and it never will be.  Your best friend isn't home.  The only other person in this world you share your life with isn't there to greet you when you walk in the door.  You can't pick up the phone and call them with good news, or bad news.  You go to bed alone.  You wake up alone.  You eat alone and you think alone.  But you know what?  Its doable.  Why? Because we have to.  There is just no other way around it.  So every day, I put on my big girl panties, chugged a cup of coffee, took a big breath, and carried on.  I want to say I came out of this deployment stronger.  I am capable of so much more than I thought.  My self 5 years ago would have never thought I would be playing this role of a single mom to two kids with a deployed husband.  But I did it.  I'm not one to brag or gloat, but you know what?  I'm going to pat myself on the back.  Having a baby during a deployment?  Done.

And Nick.  I don't know where to begin.  He is the rock of this family.  He is the mentally strong one.  He is the one with the sound mind, the sensible reasoning, the intelligent answers to every question.  He listened to me whine and complain and cry, and he comforted me.  And you know what?  Not once during these last 200+ days did he ever complain or have a pessimistic attitude.  He accepted the situation…sucked!…and didn't waste time lamenting on it further.  He had the harder job, hands down.  He had to perform his role in Afghanistan as a Marine while missing three people, along with the luxuries of home.  My hat is off to him.  I could never do what he had to do.  He is simply amazing and I'm inspired by him daily.  

Our marriage.  Man, will a deployment show the true colors of a marriage.  Some couples, unfortunately, don't survive a deployment.  Sad.  But then there are some couples that come out of a deployment knowing they married their best friend.  Knowing they could never live without the other person.  Thats where we fit in.  I will never take Nick for granted.  Never have after his 2008 Iraq deployment but even more so now.  I married a wonderful man, the best father I could have asked for my kids, the most amazing husband I don't think I deserve.  I'm coming out of this deployment with huge butterflies and heading into a honeymoon phase.  

I owe of lot of thanks to so many people who got me through each day of this deployment.  My military friends here carried me through.  They brought dinners, stopped by unexpectedly with flowers or treats, offered to take Audrey, kept me company on countless afternoons at the park, called, texted, were just there when I needed them.  Wow.  I've learned a lot from my friends.  I've learned that you don't just let other people's lives fade into the distance.  You fling yourself into your friend's lives because you care.  I'm tearing up just thinking of the numerous friends here who I leaned on.  My life is better because I married a Marine who brought me to this point in my life, giving me the chance to meet so many people from different walks of life.  I'm one incredibly lucky girl to have some wonderful girlfriends looking after me.   

While I can say I learned a lot during this deployment, I'm so glad its over.  I'm so ready to move on with our family of four and enjoy life.  

Pictures to come…soon.