As a military spouse, whenever Nick arrives home and announces he spoke with the "monitor" I literally come to a screeching halt. The record stops playing, I get chills and a turning stomach, and time stands still. Why? Well for those of you unfamiliar with some military lingo, the monitor is basically the guy who decides where you will be moving next. Pretty much the next three years of your life are in his hands, and his hands only.

So Nick spoke with the monitor a few days ago. We had previously requested our next duty station to be (in this order) 1.) Camp Pendleton, CA 2.) Camp Lejuene, North Carolina 3.) 29 Palms, Ca. My hopes and dreams are on moving back to beautiful, sunny, happy California where you just feel 15 years younger playing outside and soaking up the sun. Where words cannot even begin to describe how fabulous that part of the country is. Where you don't have to use your air conditioner the entire year. Where you can smell the ocean water wherever you are. Where a great job opportunity is waiting for my return. Where we probably won't end up.

The majority of the artillery guys wants Camp Pendleton and there just aren't enough open spots. So that means I'm starting to mentally prepare myself for a move to Camp Lejuene, North Carolina. We've never been; honestly have never wanted to visit because I haven't heard good things about the place. The only description I have to paint a picture in my mind is strip clubs and tattoo parlors. Great place to raise a kid. At least I don't have to worry about schools just yet.

I'll admit this possible move has dragged me into a very saddened state. There are no cytogenetic jobs in Jacksonville (Camp Lejuene) North Carolina, meaning if I haven't set foot in a lab in over 3 years, I can probably kiss my career goodbye. And thats a huge blow. Working from home these past 14 months has been a life (and sanity) saver while I'm still trying to adjust from loving my career to being a stay at home mom. Its tough.

The bright side to all this is that we would be surrounded by all of our friends that we have become very close with these past few years. I've watched their kids be born, crawl, walk and talk. I've gotten to know some girls really well and I would be able to continue these friendships for the next three years. Audrey would never long for a friend; she would have playdates galore. Our happy hours and football parties could continue. That is the positive.

While we won't have official orders until February, I'm going to try and put this out of my mind for now and concentrate on the present. And enjoy what I am surrounded by right now before I have to say goodbye. Sigh. This part of the military lifestyle? It just plain and simple sucks. I was this close to throwing myself on the floor and pounding my fists. If only it was that simple.